I have a playlist embedded in this site that I vary the songs on. Currently it is Led Zepplin's "Ramble On". I think through out my adult life I have found that song to be somewhat of a theme for me.
I spend a lot of time looking at things on the computer and not accomplishing much of anything.
My thoughts are random and disconnected.
I jump from paying attention to my child, to thinking about a project that I am not working on, to doing the dishes, to standing in the middle of the room and just staring, with the same ease until I realize that by the end of the day I have not accomplished one thing.
This is really starting to bother me.
I want every minute to count, to be full of something great.
Which reminds me...what did I hear last night at 1:00 am on the tv show on Bravo called "The Fashion Show"? (Yeah, add insomnia to the list too...) I love how you get gems off shows like that. Anyway....I think it was a woman who was the main poo~ba for Harper's Bazaar or some such magazine that said something to the effect of "good is the enemy of great". Ain't it the truth. At least I think so. I was sitting there staring at a painting that I am working on, trying to decide where exactly to put the next cloud....when this line was said. I'm not quoting it exactly, but it's the gist of it. The thought that to just accept good means you never achieve great. I know my mind works that way. Now this is not to say that every single thing I create is great....but it is to say that my brain is always working that way...hoping to achieve that....looking for the thing (like where the next cloud should go) that will make the painting great, as opposed to just good.
Which reminds me....that a friend the other day asked me where I got my ideas for paintings, and was surprised when I said from my head. She wanted a reference point, but the reference point is my head. I spend long hours gazing at landscapes outside my windows, while driving, in books. I spend my whole life looking actually, at everything. But I very rarely think to sit down and actually look at an object in order to paint it. I was surprised that she was surprised. Which is a good thing, because it is always a good thing to be brought back to the reality that not everyone thinks the same way, or sees the same way.
We as humans, can become very self absorbed. I know I can. I don't like it really...feel I should push myself out of it when I realize I am being like that.
I think I need to allow myself the latitude that this blog of mine is a place where I can be disconnected and it doesn't matter...where I can "ramble on"....where I can allow myself to fail, or just be good, and not great. I need to find some answers to some of the questions that I seek, and it doesn't seem to be workng to keep it all inside of my head.
Now, where to put that cloud.