Thursday, March 27, 2008

What do you see?

I must admit that I am a wee tired of trying to come up with a photo to match my "political" views. When we started this month I thought of painting my face like one of my paintings....and that just sounded too labor intensive at some point. Then I thought of painting my hand...and well, the four year old had other ideas. I guess I could have tried that w/ the boy... I wanted to represent my feelings about being an artist in a world that appears to be all about the bottom line: How much money do you have? I have strong views on doing what you want to in life...and not thinking you have to be a certain thing by a certain time. Yeah, we'd all like more money, but sometimes the money we have is enough. What we have that no one can take away from us is our thoughts, and our dreams.
Something a lot of people don't know about me is that I grew up thinking I was going to be an actor. My dad taught playwriting at a major University. My mom grew up the daughter of an actress and a studio photographer. I actually had connections. The most needed thing in the industry. I must have been in a two or three plays a year starting in third grade, much to my parent's disapproval...because any sane parent that knows anything about theatre would not want their kid to grow up and be in the profession. Unless your Gwyneth Paltrow or something. (Famous parents....) I grew up and doggedly got a degree in theatre. It took me a couple of extra years since I needed to get sidetracked by a loser boyfriend and that kind of junk. And then....when I was OH so close to that degree...I rediscovered my love for paper and paint and canvas and all things colorful and bright. I discovered what I wanted to do. I know, equally as lucrative as the theatre degree, no?
But this was different. This was more about what the word passion means. I was so close to that degree that I went ahead and got it instead of changing majors. I felt at the time it was what I was "supposed" to do. The things is...what you think you are "supposed" to do, is seldom the same as what want to do. I tried teaching theatre because I thought it was what I should do. I did it. It was okay. I had students that liked me. But I didn't enjoy it. I felt more stuck than I did waitressing. I think some of that might have had to do with being overly sad at looking at all of those "young" faces that thought it would simple as snap, crackle, pop to go into the lucrative career of acting. (I'm being sarcastic...did you know that the average SAG member makes something silly like 2000.00 a year? Which shows you the percentage of people who "make" it is pretty small.)
But maybe I shouldn't downgrade actors. I mean hey, I never really the time all was said and done I could not fathom going around and trying to get people to look at my photo and give me an audition and tell me to get fake boobs. So I got my degree, I walked in my graduation, I taught alongside my dad for a couple of years (which was nice), and then I accepted the fact that I was a painter. Or a visual artist.
And I accepted the fact that I would probably also always be poor. But never poor in spirit.
Everyday we choose to do things. So many things. What is the most important is that we see clearly to choose the things that will ultimately make us the most happy...because if we don't do that then our children won't be happy, our spouses won't be happy, and our "God" whom so ever we choose to think of our "God" as being, won't be happy either.
It's all that "happiness comes from within" stuff...but it's so true.
If figuring out ledgers and adding up numbers is what makes you be it! Do it with relish! Enjoy each moment of it!
If applying some gorgeous shade of blue to a canvas and seeing what pops out at you is what makes you happy...I say go for it!
If communicating through your actions and words up on the stage is what makes you happy...then please, by all means, choose the theatre!
The point is choose.
And don't be afraid to voice your opinions on the matter.
In this sense, silence is apathy...and you can never expect change if you are apathetic on the matter at hand.

You had a voice this month (on SPC) to tell a small portion of the world how you felt. Did you use it? I hope so.


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