Monday, March 17, 2008

I Must Believe In Something

, originally uploaded by juneblue.

"I Must Believe In Something"

The tea grew cold quickly. Somehow the symbol lost itself in the bottom of the cup. The twenty-first consideration of the problem didn't help.

The problem: what would happen if the sun traded places with the moon?

Would the cow have jumped over the sun? Or would it have been a flying red horse, instead?

Would the day become night? And the night become day?

Would love be harder to find? Or any less blessed when found?

Would red be a different color, after all? Would the knife at your throat seem less horrible to me?
Would that sweet, smiling child become a monster? That monster become an angel? These words more important? Less profound? Since the sun and the moon would have changed, would black and white change? What will happen to gray now? Is it possible that the world will not die?

Why do I have hope?

From where do these tears come? These happinesses? How can I go on leaving my life in your hands?

Why are there no answers in opposites? Can we ever understand one another?

Why do I have hope?

-Joel Climenhaga

This poem was first discovered by me recently on a library blog from KSU where my dad's stuff is housed. Before he died he had set up this fellow at Kansas State to take all of his papers, letters, books, seems like. A lot of stuff that just hung on the bookshelves at home my whole life. It was a thrill to see that Cindy Harris took the time to add this to their blog. He wrote so many poems that I have not even begun to have read them all. Sometimes that seems I should have read every single poem ever written by my dad. But I guess that's simply not possible. So I will just have to content myself with this one for now.



Rebekah said...

Interesting thoughts. It is amazing that you have such a way to see into your dad's thoughts, to remember him in that way.

faye said...

Wow. Something about reading that poem just made me feel like those could have been your words. Not that you use that same voice, exactly, but something about the spirit of the writing. I really mean that, as someone familiar with your writing...reading that poem felt instantly familiar. I wonder if your other readers feel that way and if you feel that way.

In reading your writings about your dad over the past couple of years, I've come to be eager when you write something about him. It's such a kind act by you to share that part of yourself.

And now my following comments feel all trite, because I really came here to talk about the Eckhart Tolle book. I thought of you when I was reflecting on it today, because we have similar experiences in having been deeply saddened over the dissapation of a friendship.

When I was watching the class tonight, they talked about hurt feeling in that it is the ego that is hurt, not us actually...and it occurred to me that the reason I have all of these negative feelings, still, in spite of my best efforts is because when L rejected my friendship after I put my heart out there, she basically told my ego that I am leave-able and not worth knowing. The worst part was that she decided I wasn't worth knowing AFTER she knew me, so I just felt continually aweful about it without really knowing why. Now, I feel more clarity about why that continually gets me...It is my egoic mind, I think, feeling rejected.

Anyways, I really wanted to share this with you on the chance that it resonates with you as well.

Peace. :)

daisies said...

wow ... how incredible! thank you for sharing, xo

LLD said...

Interesting - and makes you wonder how come when we are older we lose all those questions and innocence surrounding the World and it's functions.
I wish we all could keep some of that! Life is too serious.

Great picture - nice colours!